Oops!! Had I known about the Rapture Index before the election I could have saved a lot of money and worry about four more years of George ll.
I could have warned my friends not to waste their time going to Missouri and Ohio to get people to vote. Karl Rove, Bush’s political guru, had the election won. He knew all about the index and he also knew how to get these millions of true believers to vote. Presto, we had the gay marriage wedge issue to scare these "moral values" folks to the polls, over 90 percent going for Bush.
The Rapture Index is now bubbling over the top at 153. The time is near when true believers will be lifted out of their clothes and transported to heaven where, seated at the right hand of God, enjoying the Rapture, they will watch those of us "left behind" suffer plagues of boils, sores, locusts, and frogs during the years of tribulation that follow.
What is the Rapture Index? Google it on the internet. It is based on 45 prophetic categories. Things like drought, plague, floods, liberalism, and beast government, apparently meaning the European Union.
What we generally think of as bad things register as good things on the Rapture Index. Therefore drought, famine, plagues, wars and pestilence are good because they hasten the coming of the rapture. Even liberalism is seen as good in the index because there is a need for plenty of Christ-deniers. The main Christ-denier is the pope, according to the prophesied.
The end-times begin when Russia (also known as the Ancient nation of Gog) and Iran join forces to attack Israel. Before this can happen, however, the old temple must be rebuilt. Peace between Israel and the Palestinians is necessary and all Jews and Muslims must be converted to Christianity. So, the Rapture Index sees the peace talks as a good sign. Not as good as the recent tsunami but definitely positive.
Let’s look at the new budget through this faith-based lens. Money for clean water--down. Money for clean-up of nuclear sites--way down. Number of forest acres subject to logging--up. Amount of pristine lands in Alaska subject to oil drilling--way up. With the second coming at hand, who cares about spoiling the land, water and air, and bountiful forests? Who needs Social Security when the rapture is near. And so it goes.
James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Reagan and one of the original faith-based officials, once answered when asked about chopping down all our trees: "When the last tree is felled, Christ will come back." Who can argue with that kind of theology?
The results of the last election show that the true believers are now in the majority. Fifty-nine percent of Americans believe that the prophecies in the Book of Revelations are going to come true. Nearly one-quarter think the Bible predicted the 9/11 attacks. How can they believe these things? Drive through the red states and you are bombarded with the 1,600 Christian radio stations, then go to your motel and tune in the TV to any one of 250 Christian stations all spouting this end-time gospel.
And then there is the 12-volume best- selling "Left Behind" series. These books, co-written by the religious right warrior Timothy LaHaye, are runaway best-sellers. The books are based on a fantastic theology concocted in the 19th century by a couple of immigrant preachers who took disparate passages from the Bible and wove them into a narrative that has captivated the imagination of millions of Americans. President Bush and half the Congress, according to voting records, seem also to be enthralled.
Are you scared yet? I’m not making any of this up.
